Great StarClan!
by Demon Kitty Girl
Summary: A quite random story about what REALLY goes on in StarClan. I'm just having fun with this, so please don't go all crazy about my descriptiveness or whatever. Beware the Milliebeating stick!
1. Medicine Cat Bands & Milliebeating Stick

**Author's note: **Hi, this is Demon Kitty Girl. waves I felt like writing a really random, freaky fanfiction one day. And here it is! The story of what REALLY goes on in StarClan. Enjoy.

Great StarClan!

Chapter 1: Medicine Cat Bands and a Millie-Beating Stick

"All cats who have died a horrible death come here!" the usual call rang out across the forest of StarClan as Bluestar stood on the Highcloud. All of the StarClan cats assembled except for Yellowfang.

"Oy! Yellowfang! Get over here!" yelled Feathertail, who, as usual, was carrying her baseball bat, which she used for all of her glorious attempts on Leafpool's life.

"Why? I didn't die a horrible death! It was actually quite cheery!" yelled the medicine cat, filing her claws.

"CHEERY?!" shrieked Bluestar from her place on the Highcloud, "You freakin' burned to death! I nearly cried my eyes out! Great kits, get over here!"

"MAKE ME, FOR STARCLAN'S SAKE!!!"

"YOU'RE PART OF STARCLAN!! YOU CAN'T SAY STARCLAN'S SAKE!!!"

"I'LL SAY WHOEVER'S SAKE I WANT, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!!"

"Okay peoples!" said Tallstar, "Let's try to solve this conflict in a nice, orderly way…"

"I NEVER LIKED YOU!!! I HATED YOU MORE THAN I HATED SPOTTEDLEAF!!" screamed Bluestar, jumping on Yellowfang viciously.

"WHAT?!" exclaimed Spottedleaf, but everyone ignored her. They were too busy yowling "Fight, fight, fight!"

Bluestar poked Yellowfang in the eye. Yellowfang slapped Bluestar. Bluestar grabbed Feathertail's bat and hit Yellowfang with it. Yellowfang beat Bluestar in Rock, Paper, Scissors. Finally, after Bluestar beat Yellowfang 50 times with Feathertail's bat, even with the tail-of-feathers herself screaming at the leader to give her her Leafpool-beating stick back, Yellowfang died. "NOOO!!! MY LOVE!!!" screamed Raggedstar dramatically. Don't feel sorry for him, though, he was only trying to get attention.

After a very, very awkward silence, Redtail's voice echoed across the forest: "So… what did you call us here for, Bluestar?"

"Oh yeah! I forgot. I was just saying good morning." And with that, she walked off cheerfully… complete with bouncy piano music.

"Hey! Quit with the music, it's giving me a headache!" piped up Graypool irritably.

The beautiful piano faded into a bunch of random notes, and then Brindleface ran in dragging Snowkit by the paw. "Sorry, sorry! I lost track of Snowkit, and it looks like he got into the recording studio…"

"I am awesome! I will be the next Beethoven! Rock on!" screeched Snowkit.

"…We have a recording studio?" mewed Spottedleaf, confused.

Yellowfang appeared again, ignoring Raggedstar yelling joyful things and then bursting into song. "Recording studio? I can sing! Spottedleaf, let's go up there and create a Medicine Cat Band!"

"Yay!! We can call it… THE POPPY SEEDS!!! I play guitar!" Spottedleaf grabbed Yellowfang by the paw and they ran off to create their band.

When Raggedstar had stopped singing about miracles and joy, he paused. "Wait… why is Yellowfang back? I'm confused…"

Silverstream sighed. "Idiot. You can't kill a StarClan cat, they just come back to StarClan! That's where dead cats go!"

Feathertail squinted at her mother. "Where did you learn this?"

"…Around. Look, you get very depressed when your life's love is now replacing you with a _kittypet,_ okay?!"

"Well, mine just replaced me with a Medicine Cat! And she broke up with him, can you believe it?! Idiot! That's why I attack her. Perhaps you should attack Millie…"

Silverstream's face lit up. "That's a great idea! I knew I raised you correctly!"

"Mom, you didn't raise me at all. You were dead already."

"Oh yeah." And with that, the two cats left to go to the baseball bat store, so that Silverstream could get her very own Millie-beating stick.

Again, all was silent. Then random guitar notes rang out, and someone yelled "Spottedleaf, no! You were not meant to do the head-banging thing!"

"Well…" Lionheart began.

"Well…?" Crookedstar looked at him.

"Well… LET'S PARTY!!! HIT IT MEDICINE CATS!!!" More random guitar notes played, and pathetic, horrible singing rang out through the forest of StarClan. Swiftpaw began discoing, until Stonefur covered his eyes and began sobbing. Then Swiftpaw slapped him. Tallstar pulled the two cats off of one another, then proceeded to walk it out. Sootfur tackled him. All was as it should be.

END OF CHAPTER ONE!

I hope you enjoyed it. More coming soon!


	2. Sudden Truces and Beeping Bushes

**Great StarClan!**

**Chapter 2: Sudden Truces and Beeping Bushes**

The entire ThunderClan forest was silent. None were awake… except for one cat. The grand medicine cat, Leafpool! She hummed cheerily, wondering exactly what she was doing as she trotted around her den. All of the sudden, there was a flash of light, and a staircase of stars seemed to rain down from Silverpelt. "Oh yay! A sign from StarClan? Now I have something to do!" she exclaimed.

But it wasn't a sign. And the medicine cat was too busy cheering to notice the silver shape making its way down the staircase. "Why can't I ever be subtle? I could be much more sneaky…" the StarClan cat complained, holding her baseball bat out like a walking stick as she made her way down. But still Leafpool didn't notice.

All of a sudden, the stars got bored. They zoomed back into the sky. "What?! Was it something I said? Sorry, StarClan! Come back!" cried Leafpool. The silver cat, deprived of her stairs, fell down through the sky screaming. "Eh?" Leafpool squinted up at it, then grinned. "Hey, it's Feathertail! Hi Feathertail! Who's going to save the Clan today?"

Feathertail collapsed on top of the den, sending tons of herbs toppling. "I'M NOT COMING HERE TO HELP YOU YOU IDIOT!! YOU STOLE MY BOYFRIEND!!" And with that she tackled Leafpool, bringing her Leafpool-beating stick above her head and preparing to swing it.

"But… but… You were already dead! That's not stealing!" Leafpool whimpered.

"Dead cats have feelings too, you know!" Feathertail brought her bat down, slowly… slowly… still going… for the love of Crowfeather, did Snowkit press the slow motion button again?!

All of a sudden a cheery voice was heard, humming. The cat skipped into ThunderClan camp, announcing clearly, "Ah yes, I am in a good mood! _I _now have Crowfeather and I have no reason to lose him! That stupid dead RiverClan girl and that overly-loyal ThunderClan medicine cat have nothing on me! Yay!"

"Nightcloud! What in StarClan's name is she doing here?!" exclaimed Leafpool, still held down by Feathertail.

"Wait… did she just say… CROWFEATHER HAS A NEW GIRLFRIEND?!" Feathertail gaped at the WindClan cat.

"Yep. Nightcloud. Wait, did she just call me overly-loyal?! I'll have her know I--"

"Shut up! You are overly-loyal! Crowfeather is way more adorable than any of the cats of ThunderClan!"

"Well, just because I actually had friends in my Clan and you didn't…"

"Friends? I had friends! I even had a brother that loved me to death!"

"Ha! So that's why he went to the Tribe of Rushing Water where they aren't bothered by StarClan when you died? Hm?"

"WHAT?! Why do you think he came back?!"

"Well, obviously because… wait, never mind. What _is _Nightcloud doing here?"

Feathertail glared at the cheerful cat. "You know what?" she got off of Leafpool and helped her up. "There you go."

Leafpool grinned at her old enemy. "You thinking what I'm thinking?"

"Totally. Now you hold her down and I beat her mercilessly."

-o-o-o-o-o-

"Mudfur! Mudfur, quit flirting with Willowpaw, we have things to do!" yelled Yellowfang irritably.

"Mudfur is not here right now. He is busy. Please leave a message after the beep. BEEEEEEP…" beeped a nearby bush.

"Mudfur!" Spottedleaf jumped into the bush and pulled out the old medicine cat. "When are you going to learn that that doesn't work on us? It only works on Bluestar!"

"Darn it…" Mudfur grumbled.

"OK, now that that wonderful experience was over… Mudfur, can you play the drums?" asked Yellowfang.

Mudfur frowned, deep in thought. "Ummmmmm…"

"YES OR NO?! IT'S A SIMPLE QUESTION!!" shrieked Spottedleaf.

Mudfur looked at her with big eyes. "What… was that about? And Yellowfang… I could try."

"I had a moment… I'M SORRY MUDFUR!! THE WHOLE BEEPING THING ISN'T AS PATHETIC AS I SAID IT WAS!!" sobbed Spottedleaf, wiping her face on the bush.

"She's… mentally unstable. But congratulations, you are now drummer of the medicine cat band, The Poppy Seeds." announced Yellowfang.

"Now we just need someone to play the bass guitar!" mewed Spottedleaf, now fully recovered.

"Someone… like me?" All three cats turned around to look as a familiar face appeared…

"CINDERPELT!!" exclaimed Yellowfang joyfully, but then she hesitated. "Wait a minute… you were supposed to be reborn! Cinderpaw, remember?"

Cinderpelt looked at the ground guiltily. "Well… I got bored, okay? And I still had to deal with Firestar. Firestar scares me! Why do you think I plotted with Tigerclaw to run me over with a truck?"

"Cinderpelt, you're supposed to _stay_ in Cinderpaw! What, is she just, like, a blabbering idiot now?!" exclaimed Yellowfang.

"Kind of… But you need a bassist, right? I can play bass!"

Spottedleaf looked hopefully at Yellowfang. "Please let her stay! We really need someone to play bass! Otherwise we'll have to get one of the other Clans' medicine cats and they scare me!"

"...We do need a bassist. Of course, now ThunderClan's future is ruined, but… that just means more cats up here to come to our concerts, right? ROCK ON!!!"

"YAAAAAAAY!!!" cheered the other three cats.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

"I'm bored…" meowed Lionheart.

"Me two…" replied Redtail.

Whitestorm glanced at the other two ThunderClan deputies. "Want to make a new prophecy? Who should save the Clan this time?"

Redtail tilted his head to one side, thinking. "Well, perhaps… I don't know. I'm not sure. Maybe we should mess with the couples this time? Perhaps we should say if Leafpool and Crowfeather will get back together?"

Lionheart nodded. "Ah yes. And the answer should be…"

END OF CHAPTER ONE!

Whoops, Snowkit found the "The end" lever! Ah well…

**Author's note:** Yep! I want to know that as much as you do… but I'm afraid there's no stopping the "the end" lever! Ah well! Hope you liked this one! I don't think it's quite as random and nice as the last one… but I still like it.


	3. Practical Jokes And Paris

**Great StarClan!**

**Chapter 3**

"My bass… it's so CUUUTE!!!" The cry rang out among the whole of StarClan's territory, as the former medicine cat who spoke it hadn't remembered that she was in the recording studio, and that every cat in StarClan could now hear what she said.

"Shut up Cinderpelt! Everyone can hear you! I don't want Raggedstar to make fun of me!" hissed Yellowfang at the microphone.

"But it's adorable! I just want to… name it Fluffy or something!"

"It's a musical instrument, Cinderpelt, get over it!" growled Spottedleaf, holding her guitar.

Mudfur was too busy making telephone noises to say anything as he held one of his drumsticks up to his ear like a phone.

"All right!" announced Runningnose, who had decided that he would help the medicine cat band out by telling them what to do, and not making _too_ horrible fools out of themselves. "Mudfur, you are not a phone. Get over it. You can obsess over your own at home. Cinderpelt, no one names basses Fluffy. It's just not cool. Spottedleaf, do me a favor and try not to freak out on us too much, OK? And Yellowfang, I don't think you have to worry about Raggedstar making fun of you. He has… issues of his own. ACHOO!! So, are we ready?"

"I'm sorry, this number can not be reached… BEEP… BEEP… BEEP…" beeped Mudfur in response.

"SHUT UP!!! ACHOO!!"

"Oh, wait, this number can be reached, and it is shutting up. Bless you. BEEP. I mean, um… ACHOO!!"

"THAT'S MY LINE!!! YOU SO CANNOT STEAL MY LINE!!!"

"Well, sorry, but if you make me quit with my line, I'm gonna have to steal yours, okay? Or otherwise Mudfur is not here right now, please leave a message after the BEEEEEEEP…"

"Shut up, shut up! Achoo!" The old ShadowClan medicine cat turned to Yellowfang. "Please bring in another drummer. I cannot take this. ACHOO!!! But seriously, he is simply mentally unstable…"

"Aren't we all? I mean, with your sneezing… you don't even have a cold!" scoffed Yellowfang.

"I do so have a cold! Watch! ACHOO!!"

"See? You just faked that. Any cat can see you just faked that…"

"EXCUSE ME!!!" Both cats fell silent as Silverstream walked in, carrying her shiny new Millie-beating stick over her shoulder. "Some of us are trying to concentrate on attacking kittypets! Can you please claw each others' fur out somewhere else?"

"But we're a band! The Poppy Seeds! We're supposed to be up here! Isn't that right, Fluffy?" argued Cinderpelt, staring affectionately down at her base.

-Meanwhile in the ThunderClan camp-

"I don't know what's wrong with her, Firestar! She just kind of… went insane. Can we please hurry this up, me and Feathertail are supposed to be attacking Nightcloud at sunhigh…"

"Well, it has to be something!" mewed the leader, "It's not like the spirit inside of her just went off to join some… medicine cat band or something!"

"FLUFFY!!!" shrieked Cinderpaw before falling silent again.

Leafpool and Firestar only stared at each other.

-Back at the StarClan recording studio-

"Look, you already woke up Snowkit… he's probably off pressing buttons somewhere… can you please just _STOP?!"_ whined Silverstream.

"YOU DISTRACTED MY BROTHER'S MENTOR FROM TRAINING HIM PROPERLY!!!" yelled Cinderpelt randomly.

"Well, if I don't get back to work, it's going to be a kittypet distracting him—ewwwww! Where is my daughter, her Nightcloud-attacking appointment isn't until sunhigh!" And with that, the rather insane RiverClan warrior went off to find her daughter, who also was obsessed with attacking her old boyfriend's new girlfriend. In fact…

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

"Ha! No one can save you now! Stupid RiverClan girl, my feathery tail!" announced Feathertail, grinning up at Nightcloud, who was hanging upside down from a tree.

"That is so not true! Crowfeather will come save me! He's my heeeerooo…" Nightcloud spaced out dreamily.

"Ew. He is so not your hero. He is mine! He loved me the most! I HAD HIM FIRST!!! Stupid mountain lion… making the rocks fall on me… I lost my chance…" Feathertail, too, spaced out, but into more of an angry thought than Nightcloud.

The two cats were lost in their thoughts for a moment, until Feathertail complained, "Where _is_ Leafpool? I told her to come here, didn't I? I hope she didn't get distracted on the way…"

"And where's Crowfeather? He should be heroically coming to my rescue by now… Unless he got distracted too—" The WindClan cat suddenly put two and two together. "NO!!! NOT FAIR!! I THOUGHT THE BADGERS BROKE YOU TWO UP!!! I PLOTTED WITH THEM FOR NOTHING?!"

"LEAFPOOL YOU BETRAYED ME!!! I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS!!!" screeched Feathertail, also putting two and two together. She untied Nighcloud's tail. "Quick! After them!"

But before the two cats could chase down the newly-reunited couple, Silverstream appeared out of nowhere and grabbed her daughter. "Quick! Graystripe's on a hunting patrol! Millie's all alone! Let's ATTACK!!!" And she dragged her off to find poor Millie.

-Meanwhile, at the border of ThunderClan and WindClan-

"Hey, now that we got rid of the badgers, let's run away together again!"

"Yay! But let's not go the same way, I didn't like that place. How about… Paris?"

"Yay! I always wanted to visit Paris! Come on Crowfeather, we've got to go before Feathertail and Nightcloud find out!"

"YAY!!!"

-o-o-o-o-o-o-

"Stupid, stupid failed Millie attack… Who taught her how to fight, anyways?" grumbled Silverstream, who, after only 5 minutes, was in pain, sitting near the Highcloud.

"Um… I think that was Graystripe. Didn't you read The Lost Warrior?" questioned Feathertail, sitting next to her.

"No, I was too mad… I really hope they don't have kits! I never got to have kits! It wouldn't be faaaaiiir…."

"Wait a minute… yes you did! Me, remember! Me and Stormfur…"

"No, you were adopted…"

"WHAT?! Well, how in Crowfeather's name did you die, then?!"

"Um…" The silver warrior looked embarrassed. "You see, apparently neither Graystripe, nor Fireheart, nor even Cinderpaw decided to look on the calendar that day. Tigerclaw might have, but the whole 'evil' thing probably stopped him from telling anyone. It was April Fool's Day… I was just doing a—rather sick, I admit—joke! But then I passed out from trying so hard not to laugh… So then they buried me, and then I died. Yep."

Feathertail frowned. "Wow… and I thought Leafpool played strange practical jokes!"

"Leafpool?"

"Yeah! I swear I saw her and Crowfeather in the background of a picture on a postcard in Paris, but it's gotta be a practical joke, right? I mean, how would they get there so fast…?"

"I am not sure. Wait a minute… who do you know is in Paris?"

"Snowkit. He's going on tour with his piano. You didn't hear about that?"

"…Um."

-END OF CHAPTER 3!-

Author's note: Hello everyone. I apologize for taking so long to get this in. I've been working on the next chapter of Bathed in Blue as well, so you can probably expect that soon, after how long it's taken me… Anyways, remember to review!


	4. Wimpy Leaders and Cat Fights

**Great StarClan!**

**Chapter 4: Wimpy Leaders and Cat Fights**

"Hah, people that gwow up befwowe dey die are weawwy missin' out! Wight, big bwother Shwewpaw?" mewed Larchkit, staring at his apprentice brother and grinning idiodically.

"You really have to learn how to pronounce your R's, dude. They're getting on my nerves." groaned Shrewpaw, putting on his headphones to block out the noise of his two younger siblings.

"Yeah, Larchkit! Be mature! I'm more mature than you!" yelled Hollykit.

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"GAH!! SHUT UP!! I HAVE THIS STUPID iKITTY AS LOUD AS IT CAN GO!!!" shrieked Shrewpaw. The kits were immediately silent.

Suddenly Smokepaw walked up, calling "Hey, Shrewpaw!"

The apprentice didn't hear him, just hummed slightly to the tune of whatever he was listening to. Smokepaw got closer, repeating his name. Finally he took a deep breath and screamed "SHREWPAW!!!" at the top of his lungs.

The iKitty fell out of Shrewpaw's hands immediately as he moved to put his hands over his ears, and Hollykit and Larchkit ran away out of fear. "Great kits, Smokepaw, what is it?!" exclaimed Shrewpaw.

"Cat fight! Cat fight! Apparently Spottedleaf had a crush on Oakheart, and Bluestar's _reeeeaaaally_ mad! Come on Shrewpaw, let's watch!"

"Ooh! Fun!" Shrewpaw threw his iKitty, which cost him 80 mice, meaningfully to the ground and ran off with his ShadowClan friend.

-o-o-o-o-

It was true, any cat could see, even before witnessing the two battling she-cats, for Yellowfang was sighing and burying her face in her paws, Oakheart was backing away slowly and looking embarrassed, Redtail was pretending to be Crookedstar's deputy, and Mudfur was dialing on an invisible cell phone in his paw and making noises that he swore were the exact noises made when pressing 9-1-1. Feathertail and Silverstream were cheering and taking notes on how to beat up their respective mate-takers, while next to them Cinderpelt was arguing with Lionheart over whether Fluffy the bass guitar deserved a seat.

-Back in ThunderClan territory…-

"NO!!! BE NICE TO MY FLUFFY!! NO!! NO!! YOU EVIL THUNDERCLAN DEPUTY THAT DESERVED TO DIE AT TIGERSTAR'S PAWS!!!"

"Eh?" mewed Brambleclaw, looking down at Jaypaw, "Is she yelling at _me?!"_

"I doubt it. I've looked into her dreams, and she thinks you're hot… so gross…" replied Jaypaw, attempting to poke the insane Cinderpaw with a stick.

Back in the leader's den, Sandstorm was yelling at Firestar to go make the apprentice shut up. "N-No!" insisted the rather wimpy leader, "She scares me! Go shut her up on your own!"

"GAH!!! Firestar, you are a wimp. I'm going to go run off with Dustpelt!"

"SANDSTORM!!! NO!!!" shrieked Firestar, but she and the irritable warrior had already taken off on a plane to Paris.

He was about to collapse while sobbing when he noticed Ferncloud coming up to him and carrying a baseball bat. "Hey, Firestar! I call this my Sandstorm-beating-stick. Come with me to chase them?"

-At the cat fight again…-

Feathertail, yelling at her mother over the roar of the crowd even though she was right next to her, called, "HEY MOM!!! ME AND NIGHTCLOUD WERE SUPPOSED TO CATCH A PLANE TO PARIS TO CATCH THAT BACKSTABBER MEDICINE CAT AND OUR SWEET CROWY!!! I THINK I SHOULD GET GOING!!!"

"ALL RIGHT, BUT I'M GOING TO SELL YOUR TICKET AND KEEP THE MONEY…"

"I CAN LIVE WITH THAT!!!" And with that, the silver warrior whistled to call her stairway of stars and began her descent.

Back on the part of the ground that had been converted into a stage, Spottedleaf was beating Bluestar on the head with her guitar. "Ha! Give up now?!" she called.

Unable to think of a comeback, the ThunderClan leader roared, "YOU MOM GIVES UP NOW!!!"

"Wh-What?! No! How could you be so mean?!" cried Spottedleaf, dropping her guitar and collapsing on the ground sobbing. The crowd began cheering even louder.

-o-o-o-o-o-

"What?! Mom?! What are you doing here?!" exclaimed Leafpool, casting a dismayed look at Sandstorm and attempting to push Crowfeather behind her.

"Oh, Firestar was annoying me, so Dustpelt and I decided to catch a plane to Paris…" mewed the ThunderClan warrior.

"Really? You're running off with a tom too? Oh, that's a relief. I thought you were going to ground me!" Leafpool let Crowfeather go and he fell to the ground gasping.

Sandstorm looked at the WindClan warrior, surprised. "I thought you two broke up!"

"Yeah, but he's just so cute, and the writer likes us together, so—"

"What? Writer? Leafpool, what are you talking about?!"

The medicine cat blinked. "Hmm… I dunno. I guess I just lost it. Must have been the plane…"

Suddenly all four cats whipped around as a voice called, "Hey, Firestar, we found them!"

In front of them were Feathertail, Nightcloud, Firestar, and Ferncloud, with Feathertail and Ferncloud both carrying baseball bats. "By the way, you owe me money," whispered Feathertail to Ferncloud, "I copyrighted my Leafpool-beating stick."

"Um, Leafpool…" mewed Sandstorm.

"Yes, I am aware of their presence…"

"RUUUUUUN!!!!" screeched Crowfeather, setting off in the opposite direction, and the other three cats followed. However, Nightcloud was watching and laughing as Feathertail and Ferncloud fought over Feathertail's baseball-bat-copyright, and Firestar was too stupid to tell them that the other cats had already left.

Suddenly Feathertail mewed, "And now look what you did! We've probably given those backstabbers enough time to formulate a complicated escape plan… That is, if they haven't already left…" With a startled mew, she looked in front of her and noticed that there was no sign of Leafpool, Crowfeather, Sandstorm, or Dustpelt. "Eek! Run! After them!!!" she yowled, charging in a random direction with her Leafpool-beating-stick.

"Eh?" Nightcloud, too, looked up. "What?! No! They're gone! Firestar, you idiot, why didn't you tell us?!"

"W-Well… I thought you knew…"

"IF WE KNEW WE WOULDN'T BE SITTING HERE!!!" She shrieked, clawing Firestar on the face rather angrily before following Feathertail. Ferncloud, growling, grabbed her dumb leader by the paw and also ran off in a random direction.

Suddenly a white kit walked onto the scene. He looked around, shrugged, and went back to his piano practice.

-END OF CHAPTER 4!!!-

**Author's note:** Not my best chapter, but I still find it funny. Still, I promise Chapter 5 will be better!


	5. Big Red Buttons and Elections

**Author's note: **Hey, this is Demon Kitty Girl, if you didn't guess. Before I start, I'd just like to reply to some of my reviewers. And before I do THAT, I'd like to announce that Moonstar and Shootingstar, who are probably the same person, have been captured by Crowfeather and I. Crowfeather is currently trying to implant them with a sense of humor. It isn't going well. Now, for my reviewer-reply, I am thanking Flamespirit and Grayfur for defending me before Crowfeather and I had a chance to—Thank you! All righty then, I'm done rambling. Enjoy!

**Great StarClan!**

**Chapter 5: Big Red Buttons and Elections**

A lone cat sat upon the Highcloud, humming to herself and admiring her claws. Her ears pricked as she heard something that sounded like pawsteps echoing near her. She narrowed her eyes and waited, listening, until she heard it again, to her left. In one fluid movement, she jumped up and tackled the intruder, shrieking, "BEWARE THE AWESOME NINJASTAR!!!!!!"

"Wh-What?!" Squeaked the cat, and Bluestar looked down to see Mosskit. "Your name isn't Ninjastar!"

"Oh… Mosskit. Sorry. I thought you were Tigerstar, come to steal my throne from me."

"But… why did you say your name was Ninjastar? It's not. It's Bluestar."

"Ah yes, and one day I will get that Moonflower for naming me Bluekit and not Ninjakit…"

"So why didn't you name me or Mistyfoot or Stonefur Ninjakit, then, mommy?"

"Because I wasn't leader then!" insisted Bluestar, rolling her eyes as if it was the simplest thing to understand, "I thought that maybe when I was leader, StarClan would recognize my awesome ninja skills, and rename me Ninjastar. But they didn't. Their loss. Now they have to admit to the Tribe of Endless Hunting that they are ruled by a blue star! Ha! Idiots! Everyone knows that when a star is blue, it's sick!"

"_Actually, _mommy, blue stars are caused by a complex scientific—"

"Mosskit! I told you to give her the news quick! She'll go crazy otherwise!" Both cats looked up as Stonefur entered. Mosskit only tilted her head at him, so he sighed and mewed, "I'll tell her myself then! Bluestar, I'm sorry, but we've decided that you have ruled StarClan for… much too long. I mean look at this place! You can't hunt without hearing about some new, crazy development! Half of our warriors are off with some cats back with the other four Clans, attacking someone or stealing something!"

"Yes, yes, but that's not bad!" yowled Bluestar, "I thought I raised you better than that, Stonefur! At least Tigerstar isn't sneaking in!"

"But mom, he is!" Stonefur held up a picture of Tigerstar in a Brokenstar suit, waving to the camera while playing volleyball with Sootfur.

"Oh, don't be silly! That's not Tigerstar! It's Brokenstar!"

"EVEN IF YOU'RE TOO IDIOTIC TO FIGURE OUT THAT IT'S A COSTUME, BROKENSTAR IS FROM THE DARK FOREST TOO!! YOU SHOULDN'T BE LETTING HIM IN EITHER!!!"

"Wait a minute… Brokenstar's evil?!"

"YES, MOM!!! HE'S EVIL!!! HE KILLED INNOCENT KITS!! DON'T YOU REMEMBER THIS?!"

Bluestar frowned, trying to remember. "Oh, I do believe I heard Firepaw whining about something to do with him…"

Stonefur sighed. "Anyways, Bluestar, the point is, we're impeaching you. And electing another cat to lead StarClan."

"WHAT?!" shrieked Bluestar, "YOU CAN'T DO THAT!!!"

"Actually, we can. You still got the button, Mosskit?"

"Sure thing, big bro!" mewed the kit, producing a big red button from behind her back. With a shriek of "COWABUNGA!!!" she pressed it, and Bluestar exploded.

"Good job, Mosskit! Now…" Stormfur looked around at the crowds of StarClan cats, who were now so conveniently wandering the forest. "Who should be StarClan's new leader?"

"Eh? New leader?" Cinderpelt turned around, Fluffy the bass guitar still held in her paw. "What happened to our old one?"

"She was explosively transported to the Dark Forest, to practice her ninja skills on Tigerstar. Don't worry. She'll enjoy it." replied Mosskit with a giggle.

"Well…" Oakheart stepped up to the Highcloud. "I must say, I can't thank you two enough for getting rid of Bluestar for us all—she was really driving me insane! Why did I ever become her mate?! Anyways, I'll run for StarClan's new leader…" He turned around, and threw his forepaws up in the air dramatically. "As leader, I will make sure that every day is party day, and that we will receive our own radio station for listening to Snowkit's beautiful piano playing…" There was a cough from the crowd. "…And The Poppy Seeds. If they can ever finish a song. VOTE OAKHEART!!!!" With that, he quietly walked down to the other cats.

"Um… thanks, Dad. Sounds fun to me!" mewed Stonefur, and Oakheart grinned proudly. "Anyone else?"

"Yep, you're right there!" Smiling, Silverstream padded up to the Highcloud. "You all know who I am. Yep, that's right—the poor forbidden-love girl who dies, makes her mate cry, and is later replaced without a thought. Well, NOT ANY MORE!! I will make sure that every dead mate will get revenge on their old mate's new mate. Also, I will delete that part of the Warrior Code mentioning that cats from two different Clans can't get together. There is no point to it. You can just see the genius that comes out of it!" She pointed to Feathertail, who paused from handing out baseball bats with her mother's face on them to wave to the crowd. "And with that, I say… vote for me!" Silverstream walked down to high-five her daughter and the spotlight went back to Stonefur and Mosskit.

"Um… right." replied Stonefur. "Looks like we've got room for two more. Anyone…?"

All of a sudden, a cat flew out of nowhere and landed on the Highcloud. "Sootfur?" mewed Rainwhisker, wondering exactly why his brother was falling out of the sky.

"Yes, it is me! Now, if you want a REALLY good leader—"

"But how did you fall out of the sky like that?"

"It's called dramatic effect, Rainwhisker, DRAMATIC EFFECT!! Anyways, don't many of you feel cheated that you lived and died, only being mentioned a few times?" Many of the cats nodded and talked quietly amongst themselves until Sootfur silenced them again. "Some of you, like me, may even have names so similar to other cats that most people hate that people mistake you for them and hate you too! Horrible, I say, horrible! As StarClan's ruler, I will make sure that some of the lesser-mentioned cats in this world will getthe attention so greedily stolen by cats such as Firestar and Graystripe… Vote for Sootfur!" In a flash of who-knows-what, Sootfur disappeared and smoke filled the forest.

"Yes, ahem, okay…" Stonefur stopped to cough, then resumed speaking. "Is anyone less dramatic-effect-obsessed interested?"

"Yes, I believe so…" Again, all eyes turned to the Highcloud as a shadowy cat walked up. "My name is Shadowheart, and I too would like to run for StarClan leader. You see, I'm just cool, and—"

Stonefur walked up and ripped the cat's costume off to reveal a snow-white kit. "Not dramatic-effect-obsessed, huh?" he muttered, rolling his eyes, "Snowkit, what are you doing here?"

The kit looked at him cluelessly, and the RiverClan warrior realized all too late that he was deaf, for before he could grab the kit and force him off of the Highcloud, Snowkit had walked to the tip and was addressing the cats of StarClan. "I rock! End of story! No reason not to elect me! Totally! Whoo! See ya!" He traipsed off of the stage nonchalantly after that, and Stonefur, sighing that he hadn't had to deal with another full-fledged speech, took his place.

"All right, cats of StarClan, there you have it! Vote now, for StarClan's future is in your hands! And… a bunch of other cool, official stuff. Bye!" He went and sat down next to Mosskit as the crowd dissipated. "I think we handled that well."

"Totally." replied Mosskit, inspecting her dear button, "Though we could have just taken power ourselves… woulda been easier. Hey, I wonder if Ninjastar will ever find her way back?"

"Ninjastar?"

"Whoops, sorry. I mean mommy."

At that moment, two cats walked in, both resembling Brokenstar greatly. "Hey, you know, maybe we should have gotten better costumes. Mosskit told me that Brokenstar was evil and couldn't be let in either!"

"Really? …Nah, she was just messing with you! I got in here earlier with this costume!"

"Well, okay… Don't blame me when my ninja skills aren't enough to get us out of some mess!"

-END OF CHAPTER FIVE!!-

**Author's note: **All right, dear audience, here's your chance to vote! Who should be new leader of StarClan? Oakheart, Silverstream, Sootfur, or Snowkit? I promise the next chapter will be written with our normal characters doing their normal stuffs, but you will still be able to vote! The winner will be announced at Chapter 7.


	6. Guilt Trips and Strange Ringing

**Author's note: **Hey, this is Demon Kitty Girl—sorry it took so long to update! As I promised, this chapter will be a normal one, and you can still vote for the new leader. The next one is when they will be announced! However, after that chapter, this story's going on hiatus for a while. To tell the truth, I'm running out of ideas… After a couple months, hopefully I'll have new ones, and I can write some more. But two more chapters before that! Don't worry!

**Great StarClan!**

**Chapter 6: Guilt Trips and Strange Ringing**

"Mom, I know I'm supposed to be campaigning for you, but… I've really gotta go help Nightcloud chase down that traitor Leafpool. Please?" mewed Feathertail, gazing pleadingly at her mother.

"But who else is going to campaign for me?! Aren't daughters supposed to be supportive?! DON'T MAKE ME GO ALL GUILT TRIP ON YOU!!!" cried Silverstream.

"Eep! No! Not the guilt trip! Look, I'll capture Leafpool, and come back and campaign. Then, once you win, I can go back and use her as a piñata! Sound good?"

"Feathertail, we're losing here!" Silverstream stopped and grabbed Spottedleaf form the crowd of cats. "Quick! What's the score so far?!"

"Um…" Spottedleaf quickly pulled out a clipboard and a pair of glasses. "Let me see… Sootfur has 2, Snowkit has 3, Oakheart's got nothing, and you have 5." With that she walked off, humming to herself.

"See?!" screeched Silverstream, "I'm LOSING!! Losing! It's horrible!"

"Mom… you're winning." Replied Feathertail , looking curiously up at her mother.

"Oh… really?" Silverstream grabbed Spottedleaf's clipboard, causing the old medicine cat to flip out, and quickly read the scores. "…Hey! You're right! HA!!! TAKE THAT WARRIOR CODE!!!"

"GIVEITBACKGIVEITBACKGIVEITBACK!!!" screamed Spottedleaf repetitively until Yellowfang grabbed her and stuffed a guitar in her hands, hissing, "We've got to practice," before dragging her off.

"So…" began Feathertail, "Does that mean I can go chase down Leafpool?"

"Sure thing!" replied Silverstream, looking pleased with herself.

Feathertail disappeared in a flash of light, on her way to Paris, and Silverstream settled down on a nearby rock, purring. Suddenly Oakheart ran up sobbing, and Silverstream turned his way. "Hey, loser, sad 'cause you've got no votes. Well… guess what?! I'M WINNING!!!" At that point she began cackling evilly, causing most of the cats within a five-tail-length radius of her to back up a bit.

Oakheart stared at her pathetically, then mewed, "Well, I am glad it's you who's winning. You always were really cool…"

Silverstream leaned forwards. "Wait… seriously?!"

"Yeah… I always liked you… I think it was maybe the RiverClan-cat-in-love-with-a-ThunderClan-cat thing… we just have that in common…"

"Hm… well, you're kind of cute!" proclaimed Silverstream, the corners of her mouth beginning to edge upwards.

"Y-You too…" replied Oakheart. They just grinned at one another for a moment.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

"That freak! Just wait until I break out my ninja skills on him!!" shrieked Bluestar from inside her Brokenstar costume as she watched Oakheart.

"Pfft. I don't see what the problem is…" replied Tigerstar, rolling his eyes.

"Of course you don't! Seriously, how many girlfriends have you had in your life? There's only two that I know about, but really…" Bluestar narrowed her eyes at him.

Tigerstar looked away and began counting on his fingers. "Hm… well, there was Goldenflower and Sasha, of course. But there were also two ShadowClan girls, a couple of rogues… oh, and that one WindClanny freak. What was her name? Nightwing, Nightshadow…"

"N-Nightcloud?!" Bluestar cried.

"Yeah. That's the one. I heard I have another son now. Named Breezepaw…"

Bluestar fainted.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-

"Mudfur! Where's Mudfur?!" cried Yellowfang, trying to get everything set up at the recording studio.

"Well, I hope he's not anywhere around here. ACHOO!!" replied Runningnose.

"Fluffy, Fluffy, Fluffy!" sang Cinderpelt, stroking her bass guitar. "Fluffy Fluffy bo Buffy banana fanna fo Fuffy…"

Spottedleaf sighed and turned up the volume on her iKitty that she had stolen from Shrewpaw. Suddenly there was a ringing sound from the desk. All four cats looked its way, and Spottedleaf paused the iKitty. It rang again. "Wh-What was that? ACHOO!!!!" questioned Runningnose.

Yellowfang moved closer to it until she could place where the sound was coming from. "It's some sort of… radio, I think? And it has this strange cord… all twisty and stuff…"

Spottedleaf took a closer look at the cord. "Perhaps it's noticed that Cinderpelt has gone completely insane and that we should tie her up with it?" she suggested.

"Oh, Spottedleaf, like you're not one piece short of an anchovy pizza!" scoffed Yellowfang. "I think it's… one of those things Mudfur is always enthusing about. What is it called again…?"

"A phone," offered Cinderpelt, "That's what it is. Phone Fluffy, Fluffy phone…" She let out a high-pitched giggle.

"Right," mewed Yellowfang, "A phone…" She winced as it rang again. "And what do we do with it?!"

"Shove it out the window? ACHOO!!! If it's got anything to do with Mudfur, it ain't good," grumbled Runningnose.

"Runningnose, be serious!" scolded Spottedleaf, "We could be in danger here! It could… explode!"

"All the better reason to throw it out the window! ACHOO!!!" cried Runningnose.

"He's got a point…" admitted Yellowfang, and as the phone rang again, she couldn't take it anymore, and dumped the cursed thing out of the nearest window.

The phone made a crashing noise as it hit the ground, and all four cats gave a start as they heard the click of a cat picking it up. Sootfur's voice echoed from outside. "Hello? …Oh, okay! Cool! I GET A MILLION MICE FOR FREE?! AWESOME!!!" There was, in fact, an exploding sound, and Spottedleaf gave the others a smug look, but it wasn't until later that they realized that it was only Sootfur's dramatic effects.

At that moment, Mudfur ran in, panting. "Hi everyone! Sorry I'm late! This phone line was temporarily disconnected, you know?"

"Um… no. ACHOO!!!" replied Runningnose dryly.

"Anyways, let's get this connection back up and running!" yowled the former RiverClan medicine cat in an attempt to act cool. He immediately rushed to his drums and started playing randomly. The other four exchanged a look, then joined in with their own randomness. Ah, the joy of The Poppy Seeds.

-END OF CHAPTER SIX!-


	7. Confused Kittypets and Nine Deaths

**Great StarClan!**

**Chapter 7: **

"YEEES!!! I WON!!! I WOOON!!!" screeched Silverstream happily, clapping her hands like an overexcited kit. Spottedleaf covered her ears and ran for cover, forgetting to pick up her clipboard.

"Silverstream… WE'RE THROUGH!!!" roared Oakheart, tears streaming down his face. A strange figure that looked somewhat like Brokenstar swooped down and nabbed him, then flew back up to brood over her ninja-ness.

Once Silverstream had stopped… squeaking… Yellowfang nervously walked up and murmured, "Erm… we're supposed to give you your nine lives now, Silverstream…"

Silverstream blinked, then mewed, "But I'm already dead… If I get nine lives, then…"

"Hm, you're right… then I don't know…"

It was in that moment that Sootfur appeared in a cloud of smoke, a comic book clutched in his paws. "Well, I should think it's obvious…" He opened the comic book to one page. "See? When the cosmic abilities of life and death are reversed, then the traditional things must be reversed as well. It's all got to do with dramatic effect, you know…"

Both cats stared at him blankly. "Um… what?" replied Silverstream.

Sootfur sighed. "Since you're dead, and people that get their nine lives are usually alive… They get them from dead people. You should get them from live people. Therefore, you get nine deaths and not nine lives…"

"Come again?"

"GET FREAKING LIVING PEOPLE TO GIVE YOU YOUR NINE LIVES CEREMONY!!!" shrieked Sootfur before disappearing in an explosion.

Yellowfang waved away the smoke, coughed a bit, then turned to her future leader. "I guess he could be right. You do that, I've gotta go find Spottedleaf…"

Left alone and confused, Silverstream did the only thing she could do—she called Feathertail. After explaining her story to her daughter, Feathertail mewed, "Look, tell me nine living people you like."

"Um…" Silverstream tilted her head, "Graystripe, Stormfur… Oh, yeah, Mistyfoot… that's pretty much it!"

"You're more useless than Ferncloud!" cried Feathertail.

"Well, it isn't my fault I don't have any friends!" yowled Silverstream, then mewed, "Whatever happened over there in Paris, anyways?"

"Oh, Nightcloud finally caught someone, but it was Dustpelt, so she gave him to Ferncloud, then Leafpool hit her on the head with something and she blacked out… but then my sweet Crowy got himself nabbed by Ferncloud—she thought he was Spiderleg, here with Whitewing or something—and Firestar and Sandstorm are still running."

"Whaaatever. So, as you were saying?"

"Oh, right. Find yourself some more killers."

"Killers?"

"To give you nine deaths!"

"Oh, right… um, how about Brambleclaw? He's killed cats before, he should be good at that…"

Feathertail rolled her eyes. "Mom, it's a metaphorical thing! When leaders get nine lives they don't pop out of their poor mother nine times, do they?"

"Ugh, just two of you killed me!" mewed Silverstream, frowning at the thought.

"Right… well, pick some more people!" roared Feathertail, losing her patience quickly.

"How about Leafpool? She's sympathetic to my cause… Oh, and Firestar! I gave him a life, it's only natural he should give me a death… Oh, and… SMUDGE!!!"

"Smudge? Who the heck is that?"

"I have no idea. But he'll be there. And so will Hollypaw, 'cause she's cute. And for my last choice… ASHFUR!!!"

"Ashfur? Why the heck him?"

"I'm bringing Brambleclaw, aren't I? I'm aloud entertain myself with a tom fight!"

"Okay, mom, fine…"

-o-o-o-o-o-

It was a still day in ThunderClan, more peaceful than ever before, when Silverstream and Feathertail appeared on the Highledge courtesy of Sootfur's explosive dramatic-effect-thing. Firestar gave a shriek and ducked for cover. Birchfall attached himself to Whitewing, who threw him off and slapped him. Even Jaypaw came out holding a baseball bat.

"Hey, give that back!" cried Feathertail, taking the bat from the blind apprentice.

"Attention all ThunderClanners!" roared Silverstream. "I am being chosen as new leader of StarClan, and seven of you will be present in my nine lives—er, deaths ceremony. The rest of you, shoo. And one of you grab Mistyfoot and Smudge while you're at it!"

Once the cats Silverstream didn't like had cleared out, the silver cat decided to begin without the non-ThunderClan cats… they'd just be saved for last. She and her daughter began with Graystripe, who padded forward awkwardly. "Um…" he began, "With this life—er, death—I'll give to you… the ability to rebel! Yeah! Go against that warrior code!" With that, he held up a peace sign and walked off.

"God job, Dad…" mewed Feathertail while trying not to laugh. Silverstream was too busy giving him a pointed look which occasionally drifted over to Millie.

Next up was Ashfur, who looked back and Brambleclaw and grinned. Very sure of himself, he regally announced, "With this death I give you the power to get revenge on the one who ends up with your love in the end!" He stalked back to the other cats, flashing his claws at Brambleclaw before falling silent again.

Before the next cat, Leafpool, could move a paw, Mistyfoot and Smudge were pushed in by Squirrelflight. "Hi, Silverstream!" called Mistyfoot cheerily, while Smudge let out a cry of, "WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE?!"

Regardless, he was pushed next to Firestar, hissing, "Hey, Rusty, looking good!" in his ear.

"Right. Thank you, Squirrelflight." mewed Silverstream.

Now, Leafpool continued. Shyly, she mewed, "W-With this death I give you the power to endure sadness after losing a mate…" She hung her head, and all of the other cats were silent.

"Jeez, even Crowy himself wasn't THAT corny!" cried Feathertail.

"I know, I was just acting!" replied the medicine cat cheerily before sauntering back.

"All right… next?" asked Feathertail, snickering at her enemy-turned-friend-turned-enemy-turned-possibly-friend-again.

Smudge padded up at some prodding my Firestar, and, following the other cats' lead, mewed, "Um, with this death I give you the power not to freak out if you're ever dragged into a clearing with a bunch of wild cats! …Like I was…" Confused, he walked back.

Next up was Stormfur, who promptly mewed, "With this death, mom, I give you the power of not going along with the family curse of death and capture… though you're kind of too late for that…"

Brambleclaw followed, giving Ashfur a dirty look before saying, "With this death I give you the power to get rid of pesky mate-stealing emo cats!"

Mistyfoot walked up next, meowing, "With this death I give you the power to get rid of evil cats trying to steal your deputyship!"

Lastly was Firestar who took his time before yowling, "With this death… I give you the power of strength!"

_How original... _Thought the StarClan cat, but she couldn't help smiling as the cats chanted, "Silverstar, Silverstar!!!"

"Niiiiiiice, mom!" mewed Feathertail.

In fact everyone was happy… except for poor Ninjastar and poor Oakheart. But who cares about them?

-END OF CHAPTER SEVEN!-

**Author's note: **Yes, it's going on hiatus now… D: However, it will continue… eventually…


End file.
